The Big Premiere
by JJ Rust
Summary: The Go Team attends the premiere of the Speed Racer live action movie. How will they react to seeing themselves on the big screen


His heart beat faster. Tremors went through his stomach. His breathing quickened.

All the usual signs of nervousness. Speed Racer knew them well. He experienced them before every race.

Only this wasn't a race.

His body stiffened when the limousine came to a halt. Speed stared out the window at the red carpet leading to the glass doors of the Grand City Cinema. Photographers and fans crowded either side of the carpet.

"Oh boy, this is the coolest thing ever, isn't it, Speed?" Spritle gazed out the window with wide eyes. "Come on, let's go."

Exhaling audibly, Speed nodded. The limo driver appeared outside the door and opened it. High-pitched screams filled the air. Flashbulbs went off, nearly blinding Speed. He turned and offered his hand to Trixie. Now his heart beat out of control as he took in her black, form-fitting cocktail dress.

"You look fabulous, Trixie," he uttered breathlessly.

"Oh, thank you, Speed." She blushed a little. "So do you."

Trixie rubbed a hand up and down the lapel of his tuxedo. Speed smiled, even though he could have done without the monkey suit. He never liked formal dress.

The rest of the Go Team emerged from the limo. Mom, Pops, Spritle, Sparky, Chim-Chim and Racer X. Speed craned his neck and looked at the sparkling marquee above him.

SPEED RACER PREMIERE TONIGHT.

_I can't believe they made a movie about me._

Girls screamed in excitement. Reporters shouted questions at him.

"Do you think this movie will help your career?"

"What was it like working with the Wachowski Brothers?"

"Speed!" A petite reporter with long dark hair and a fair complexion waved to him. Speed detoured over to her.

"What are your thoughts on this movie based on your life?"

Speed flashed the reporter a smile. "Well, I haven't seen it yet, but considering the Wachowski brothers' reputation, I'm sure it will be a really groovy movie and I hope everyone enjoys it. And furthermore . . ."

"C'mon, Speed." Trixie hooked him around the elbow and pulled him away. "We have to get to our seats."

"No we don't. We have plenty of time to -"

"Talk to beautiful TV reporters?" Trixie's brow crinkled.

"Oh come on, Trixie. I was just . . . hey, look! Over there! It's Twinkle Banks and Princess Petal. They came to see the premiere, too." Speed smiled and waved at the girl daredevil and the Middle Eastern princess he once saved from assassination. "Let's go say hi."

"You can say hi later, Speed." Trixie yanked him away from the two beautiful women. "_Much_ later.

"Oh, Trixie. Stop being so jealous."

Trixie just closed her eyes and lifted her nose to the sky.

Speed sighed. _Great. We're not even inside the theater and she's already mad at me._

"Speed Racer!" A menacing voice called out near the ticket booth.

Speed clenched his jaw. _As if things couldn't get any worse._

He saw a group of men in dark racing uniforms all glaring at him. A tall man in a cape and a single feather in his helmet stepped forward.

"Explain yourself. Why was the Car Acrobatic Team not sent an invitation to the premiere of your movie?"

"I don't know, Captain Terror. I wasn't in charge of sending out invitations to this premiere."

"Do not lie to me, Speed Racer!" Captain Terror pointed at him. "We are your greatest foes, yet we were left off the invitation list. We know this was your doing. Because of you we had to buy tickets to the premiere ourselves. Do you have any idea how much they cost? The Car Acrobatic Team will not tolerate this insult. Mark my words, one day we shall have our revenge!"

"Now look here, Captain Terror . . ." Speed started toward the fiendish-looking man. A pair of strong hands on his chest halted him.

"Speed, don't do it," Racer X urged him. "He's only trying to goad you into doing something that will embarrass you."

"Racer X is right, son," Pops chimed in. "You don't have anything to prove to this guy. After all, you beat his team in the Most Dangerous Race."

"You're right, Pops. I don't have anything to prove to them. I'm going to enjoy this movie with my family and there's nothing Captain Terror or the Car Acrobatic Team can do to stop that."

Speed spun on his heel and marched into the Grand City Cinema with the rest of the Go Team. All the while he could feel the hateful stares of the Car Acrobatic Team on him.

The second they got through the doors, Spritle and Chim-Chim shot past them, making a beeline for the snack bar.

"C'mon, Chim-Chim. The Wachowski brothers said we can have whatever we want from the snack bar . . . for free!"

The youngest Racer boy and the chimpanzee skidded to a halt at the glass counter and jumped up and down to catch the cashier's attention.

"We want two tubs of popcorn, two large root beers, two mini pizzas, Gummie Bears, M&Ms, Goobers, two cherry slushies, Rolos, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups . . . oh, some York Peppermint Patties . . ."

"Spritle, we came here to watch your brother's movie, not to have you open a buffet in the theater." Pops stood behind them, arms folded.

"But, Pops . . ."

"No buts. You and Chim-Chim can have a popcorn, a soda and one box of candy . . . each."

"That's it!? But . . . but . . ."

Spritle burst into tears. Chim-Chim joined in a moment later. Speed winced, wondering if the crowd outside could hear the two.

"Stop crying right now, you two, or you won't have _anything _from the snack bar!"

Spritle and Chim-Chim shut up instantly, but still wore dejected looks. They got their food and stepped aside. Speed and Trixie strode up to the counter.

That's when he noticed something out the corner of his eye.

The Car Acrobatic Team stood in the next line over, with Captain Terror at the front.

"Would you like to upgrade to the tub of popcorn for seventy-five cents more?" asked the homely young girl behind the counter.

"Yes I would like to upgrade to the tub of popcorn. I also want a large Mountain Dew in one of the Speed Racer movie souvenir cups and box of Whompers."

"I'm sorry, Sir. We're out of Whompers."

"Out of Whompers!? What sort of treachery is this? Is this the doing of Speed Racer? How dare he deny me my Whompers? Mark my words, one day I shall have my revenge!"

"Uh-huh." The cashier stared at Captain Terror dispassionately. "In the meantime, Sir, would you prefer Sno Caps instead?"

Captain Terror narrowed his eyes at the young girl. "Fine," he muttered.

Once everyone had their food they entered the theater. Speed waited for his family and friends to file into the row before sitting himself, giving Trixie the aisle seat.

"Oh no," Sparky blurted. "Look who's in the next row."

Speed grunted as he watched the Car Acrobatic Team make their way into the row in front of them. Suddenly, Captain Terror stopped and stared at the floor.

"Ugh! What did I just step in? Doesn't anyone in this theater ever clean the floors? My boots are probably ruined. Mark my words, one day I shall have my revenge!"

Speed slapped a hand on his forehead and sighed. He prayed these idiots didn't ruin the movie for him.

He drew a deep breath as the movie started. Speed sat back and watched . . . well, him, driving the Mach 5 through a really funky indoor race course. The racing scenes were interspersed with scenes of him growing up. Curious, though. He and Trixie never attended same elementary school together, and he had no memories of anyone planting a bomb in his motorized go-cart.

And when they got to the back story dealing with Rex . . .

"Wait! Where did they get this?" Racer X whipped his head around to the members of the Go Team. "I didn't die in some fiery crash in the mountains. I crashed Pops' car, he yelled at me, and I ran away."

"Yup, that's exactly how it happened." Pops then turned to Rex/Racer X. "Which reminds me, you still owe me for the damage to that car."

"Come on, Pops. How many years ago was that?"

"It doesn't matter. I put a lot of time, effort and money into that car and you . . ."

"Can we not rehash the past?" Mom said firmly. "Both of you be quiet and enjoy the movie."

Racer X and Pops grunted and turned their attention back to the screen.

It wasn't long before Speed started watching the film with a quizzical expression.

_Why is everything in primary colors? And what's up with that weird looking city? It looks like something Dr. Suess would come up with after watching some old Flash Gordon serials while dropping acid._

And the futuristic city wasn't the only thing that baffled the Go Team.

"Speedy, why do they have you acting like such a stiff in this movie?" asked Spritle.

"And what's up with the girl playing me?" Trixie fumed. "I'd never dress the way she does. And that hair. Ugh. And I have way more personality than she does, don't I, Speed?"

"Yes, you certainly do, Trixie."

"And since when do I talk with an Australian accent?" Sparky scratched his head.

"Well what about me?" Spritle threw up his arms. "They have me acting like the most annoying kid on the planet."

"Well, that part they got right." Speed caught Pops mutter under his breath.

The movie dragged on, with Speed wondering why there were three or four different plots wrapped together in a single film.

"Where is the Car Acrobatic Team?" Captain Terror leapt from his seat. "This is an insult not to have Speed Racer's greatest foes in this movie. Mark my words, one day I shall have my revenge!"

Dozens of patrons shushed Captain Terror to be quiet.

About halfway through the movie they brought in Snake Oiler as a character. Speed sighed in relief, hoping this would placate Captain Terror and his men.

Seeing the treatment they gave Snake on screen, it didn't.

"What the heck?" Now Snake jumped out of his seat. "I don't look anything like that loser. And my car . . . my uniform. I . . . I look like a pimp on the NASCAR circuit."

"How dare the Wachowski brothers make a mockery of one of my best drivers?" Captain Terror bellowed. "Mark my words, one day we shall have our revenge!"

"Hey! Shut up, already!" A large man with a Brooklyn accent shouted from the row in front of the Car Acrobatic Team. "I'm trying to enjoy this freakin' movie here."

"You dare tell me to shut up, you insignificant worm? Have you no idea who you are trifling with? Mark my words, one day I shall have my revenge!"

"Yeah? Revenge this, jerk!"

The man threw his half-full cup of popcorn at Captain Terror. It bounced off his face.

A primal roar went up from the entire Car Acrobatic Team. Every member vaulted over their chairs and charged the large man. He managed to knock down two racers with his big hamhocks before the others overwhelmed him.

Speed looked to the rest of the Go Team. "Well, I suppose we should help him."

Speed leaped into the next row and plunged into the fray. He put two CAT members on the floor with judo chops. Another racer buried a fist in Speed's gut. The air exploded from his lungs. The CAT guy reared back for another blow . . .

But Trixie delivered a sidekick to his gut. He doubled over and sank to his knees.

Speed jumped back into the melee. He belted a CAT member in the chops. Racer X flipped one guy over his shoulder, then nailed another with an elbow strike. Pops picked up one CAT racer and chucked him into the aisle before getting another in a full nelson. Chim-Chim bit the rearend of one racer, sending the man screaming and running around the theater. Spritle pulled out his slingshot and bounced a rock off the head of a CAT racer.

"Come on, you big dummy." Sparky put up his dukes as he confronted Snake Oiler. "You and me. Let's go."

Sparky took a swipe. Snake ducked out of the way. The CAT racer then nailed Sparky with an upper cut. The mechanic fell on his back.

"Now where's Speed Racer?" Snake scowled and searched the theater. "I have a score to settle with him."

"I'm right here, Snake."

Snake turned around . . . and into a right jab from Speed. Teeth spilled from Snake's mouth as he crumpled to the floor.

Speed searched for more targets . . . and gasped at the sight before him.

Captain Terror was towering over Mom Racer.

"Ah, the mother of Speed Racer, our mortal enemy. Still, despite your advanced years, you are rather beautiful. Leave your family and join the Car Acrobatic Team. I shall make you our queen." He stroked her under the chin with his index finger.

Mom Racer gave Captain Terror a sweet smile . . . then drove her right knee into his crotch. The CAT leader gasped and sank to the floor.

Speed leaped over a seat and grabbed Captain Terror by the collar. "You better not touch my mom ever again if you know what's good for you."

"You may have won today, Speed Racer," Captain Terror croaked. "But mark my words, one day I shall . . ."

"Oh, shut up already!" Speed decked him. Captain Terror crumpled to the floor, unconscious.

Speed gazed around him. He discovered all the members of the Car Acrobatic Team were on the floor or draped over seats, moaning.

"Well, now we can go back to watching the movie."

"Why?" said the large patron who had thrown his popcorn at Captain Terror. "That fight youse folks had here was better than anything that was in dis movie."

When the movie ended, with him kissing Trixie no less, Speed had to agree with the Brooklyn man.

"Pops, I don't believe it. This movie was horrible. It wasn't a true representation of me or Trixie or any of us."

"Yes, I agree, son," said Pops. "I don't know why it's so difficult for these movie people to capture people's personalities accurately."

"Well I'll tell you something." Trixie looked around at the Go Team. "I'm gonna find those Wachowski brothers and give them a piece of my mind. Where are they?"

"There!" Spritle jumped and pointed to the front of the theater. Two silhouettes rushed toward the side exit as fast as possible as boos resonated throughout the theater.

"Wachowski brothers!" Captain Terror stood, though he looked a bit wobbly. "Your utter disrespect of the Car Acrobatic Team in this horrid movie is unforgivable. Not only that, but do you know how much money we spent to see this travesty you call a film? Mark my words, one day . . . no! _Today, _we shall have our revenge!"

Captain Terror led the Car Acrobatic Team in a charge down the aisle and out the side exit.

Speed turned to the Go Team. "I don't know about you guys, but I want a piece of the Wachowski brothers, too."

"Yeah!" Spritle raised a fist in the air. "Let's get those bozos!"

Speed nodded and led the Go Team after the Wachowski brothers.

_Captain Terror's not the only one who's going to get his revenge today._

- THE END –

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_This is a story I needed to write after being so thoroughly disappointed by the Speed Racer movie._


End file.
